April 15, 2014
These last few weeks have been some of the busiest and frustrating weeks of the year so far. I don’t want to sound like I’m complaining all the time, which I find that I’ve been doing more of lately, but it’s hard not to when you work incredibly hard for something and find out that you may have actually taken a step back from your goal.
2013 Cross Country and 2014 Track have been incredibly frustrating. You all probably know that if you’ve been following the blog or if you know me personally. My times are slower than my 2012 Cross Country and 2013 Track seasons, and I don’t know what’s wrong. It could just be the stress of high school bearing down on me or the fact that I ran for 360 days last year and I haven’t taken an extended break from running yet. Maybe it’s the old “Trials of Miles”, but I’ve actually been slacking off on a lot of mileage lately. It could be all of those things, but I don’t want to be making excuses for myself anymore. Yes, it’s a good thing to look at the bigger picture of things, but I feel like I’ve been doing that so much that I’m just making excuses so I don’t breakdown in front of everyone. Every race this year has been a unremarkable and every race I’ve told myself “it’s okay because it was hot” or “it’s okay because you’re tired” or “it’s okay because it just wasn’t your day”. I recognize that there can be several factors that can effect my racing, but making excuses for myself doesn’t solve the problem. Sure, it makes me feel a little bit better in the moment, but the next week, the same thing happens.
It’s frustrating. After all that I’ve done to improve myself doesn’t seem to have worked. I wasn’t thinking that I was going to be one of the “elite” runners or anything, but I wanted to see progress, at least. Even a few seconds off my mile time would suffice. Instead, I’m doing worse this year. My workouts are maybe similar to last years, but my race times are definitely worse. I went through a phase of un-motivation not too long ago and while I would say I’m out of that phase, I’m still un-motivated. Before I was burned out and un-motivated for no reason. Right now, I’m un-motivated because I honestly don’t see a huge point to the running I’m doing right now. It feels like a waste of time.
Then again, I could see the improvement next year. That’s the only thing that is keeping me going right now. What if all of this training will be seen next year? I don’t know for sure but I hope that is the case.